*SPOILER ALERT: ANYONE WHO HAS NOT WATCHED THE FIRST SEVEN EPISODES OF SERIES 6 OF DOCTOR WHO SHOULD STOP READING*
Anyone who keeps up with the British TV show, Doctor Who, knows that this season started out with a bang, somewhat literally. The first episode begins with the Doctor returning to his Series 5 companions, Amy and Rory, at the ripe old age of 1109, a good 200 years older than he was when they last saw him only two months prior. Joining them is River Song, the Doctor’s future companion, a character who who is shrouded in as much mystery as the Doctor himself.
So he invites his friends to America where they meet up in the middle of the desert and have a picnic next to a lake. During the picnic an astronaut emerges from the lake. The Doctor approaches the strange and impossible figure, telling the others to not follow him, not matter what. For some reason, they for once abide by what he said. The Doctor knows who the astronaut is and is then promptly shot to death with some sort of laser gun. He begins to regenerate but is shot again, making him dead dead. The season’s first WTF moment.
(All that is missing is a prolonged “NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!”)
All seems lost and it’s only ten minutes into the season premier. But no worries, a few minutes later the Doctor shows up, an invitation identical to the ones they received in hand. A few moments of confusion ensue before Amy, River, and Rory realize that this Doctor is only 909, much closer to the age he was when they last parted ways. However the young Doctor is unaware that his friends have seen him die only a few hours before and they cannot tell him. This raises the question, what are they supposed to do? And how can they do it if the Doctor can’t know what has happened?
It is revealed through the course of this and the following episode that the astronaut’s suit is a life support system of some kind and within it resides a small girl. River remarks that the girl has broken out of the suit and therefore must be quite strong. In another scene Amy chances upon a room in an old orphanage that must have been the small girl’s room at some time. Amy looks around the room and notices several framed pictures, one of which depicts her holding a baby. Another WTF moment.
I almost forgot, the reason Amy entered this room to begin with is because she saw a one eyed woman looking through a view slot, which once it closed, disappeared. REMEMBER THIS FOR LATER!
Amy then gets kidnapped by the Silence who have apparently been the ones taking care of the astronaut/super girl. The Doctor comes to rescue her, stops the evil aliens, saves the world and all is well. EXCEPT, early in the episode Amy had told the Doctor that she was pregnant, however by the end she says she is not. However when the Doctor runs a scan her with the TARDIS, it can’t decide between pregnant and not pregnant. Interesting.
However the final scene is the kicker. We see the small girl from the astronaut suit wondering through New York City six months later. She is coughing and clearly sick. A homeless man notices her and approaches asking if she is alright. She responds that she is dying. Then suddenly her hands and head begin to glow a golden yellow and energy bursts from her. Any fan recognizes the telltale signs of a Time Lord’s regeneration. Oh look, another WTF moment.
(I dunno why she looks so scared, if this were me I’d be like “Fuck Yes!”)
Throughout the season the Doctor and his companions continue their exciting and varied adventures But everywhere they go Amy sees the eye patch woman through a view slot. She can’t figure out who the woman is or why she is seeing her. Eventually she tells the Doctor and he combines this information with the ambiguous status of her pregnancy and forms a theory which he keeps to himself.
(Seriously, who is this Bitch?!)
Now fast forward to the mid season finale. We now know that Amy is indeed pregnant and has been a captive of the one eyed woman for apparently almost her entire pregnancy. She is being held on some sort of asteroid base which is defended by an army of church affiliated marines and headless monks. So the Doctor calls in his debts and assembles an “army” to go and rescue Amy.
On the asteroid he surprises the enemy and pulls off an elaborate scheme that gives him and his friends control of the base without firing off a shot. Rory rescues his newborn daughter and Amy and they have a happy reunion. Just when all seems fine and dandy, the Doctor looks a bit more closely at the baby’s DNA. The DNA is not just human, but also part Time Lord. The Doctor theorizes that this could be the result of the baby being conceived while in the Time Vortex.
But alas, the one eyed woman has fooled the Doctor again. The baby he thought they had rescued is really a fake, while the real baby is still in the woman’s possession. All seems lost when River shows up. She tells them all everything will be all right and that she knows that for a fact. How does she know this? Because she is the baby. River is Amy and Rory’s daughter all grown up. Cue the final WTF moment of the first half of the season.
(Amy’s “Da Fuck?!” face)
So where does this leave us? We know River is the Baby and we know that the Baby is part Time Lord. Just how Time Lord is River? We know that the one eyed bitch wants to use the baby was a weapon against the Doctor, so does that mean that she succeeded when we saw the astronaut kill him in the first episode? Remember in Flesh and Stone when River reveals that she has been in prison for killing the best man she’s ever known? Of course we all assume that she is referring to the Doctor. Was River the astronaut? If so, I guess she’s a good actress because she manages to look pretty shocked when he dies. Additionally, she puts on an equally believable facade when she and the Doctor are examining the empty suit. I guess she would have to seeing as stopping herself from killing the Doctor and/or revealing anything she might know would create one of those time paradoxes we have all come to fear.
But wait! The little girl escaped the space suit in the sixties. We don’t even know for sure if it’s the same person in the suit when the Doctor gets killed in 2011. And just how old does this make River? Keep in mind she has no real time line since she doesn’t exist in a single time period. Plus we saw her regenerate. Or rather we assume that it was her after learning who she is. If she can regenerate, how many times has she? Can a child regenerate into an adult?
I know it’s easy to just go with the assumption that River is the little girl as well as the astronaut that kills the Doctor. Though I just feel that’s too simple. If that were true why would they have revealed what we know at only the season midpoint?
I dunno. I guess we’ll just have to wait till fall to see what happens. The wait will surely be agonizing.
P.S. If anyone has any connections to BBC or Steven Moffat, please let me know because I’d love to write for them. (This is sorta half serious but mostly fully serious)